Wei hey all you groovy shakers out there. I’ve just come back from Shenzhen, that mecca of foot masseurs and not so cheap anymore tailoring, and during the trip was subjected to my friend’s complaints about a man she’d recently met on a dating site.
It turned out he’d done absolutely everything wrong; bombarding her with calls, going on about how they were made for each other and how great their future together would be, and generally acting the desperate loser that nobody wants to be around. My friend was in despair – her phone was shaking constantly with messages from this guy she’d met platonically three times but who acted as if they’d been ardent lovers for several months.
I advised her to stay away from him and tell him to bugger off by text, but also to advise him by email how NOT to act, for the sake of future victims. That gave me the idea for this new series where I’ll be sharing my own surreal experiences from the world of “dating” (mostly succeeding and failing in being a slapper) and I’m hoping to hear about readers’ experiences too. It’s about time the facts came out!!!!
1. When you’ve met someone three times over drinks, some tea and not a little coffee, failing to notice on the third meeting how they’re acting decidedly colder towards you and not answering your calls anymore, DON”T bombard them with texts about how you can’t stop thinking about them, wishing them a good trip to Shenzhen three times in ten minutes.
2. When your victim stops calling or responding to your texts, DON’T increase the frequency of your calling and texting. When someone stops calling you, it’s NOT because they’re getting more interested in you. It’s because they’ve LOST interest in you. Count your losses and DON’T send several texts a day saying how you want to “do it right this time” and “know you have a future together.” This only serves to increase the negative feelings your victim is developing/has developed toward you. At this stage, your victim will be showing your texts to OTHER PEOPLE (me), laughing scornfully.
3. When your victim’s finally had enough and sends a text saying: “I feel suffocated by your incessant texting. We’ve met three times! Don’t call me, I will email you tonight”, DON’T send in quick succession two texts saying: “I’m sorry” and “Please forgive me.” This only leads to more scornful laughter, the total loss of the little respect your victim might have had left for you, and more fodder for my blog.
Tomorrow, by popular request: CHINA DROOL!
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